I’m the least interested in writing this today of the 11 day streak that I’m on. I feel unmotivated and sort of void of thoughts or any vision for what I want to say here. It’s a vulnerable type of day however I did get my third of four swim sessions in, had some time to connect with my wife already this morning and listened to my son singing carols from bed as he was waking up. It’s also sunny out and cool, about 0 degrees C. A good day!
The doldrums I guess stem from last night and feeling disappointed instead of grateful on my anniversary date with AJ. She wasn’t able to make it to our hopeful snowshoe destination, to be able to see the Jupiter/Saturn conjunction. I started thinking again of how physical activity may not be in our collective lives. This is immensely sad to me given how important sport and being physically active are to me. So inevitably I feel torn, do I go off by myself every day honouring that piece of me which is so important, a life essence so to speak, or do I minimize myself in attempts to connect and remain close. I’m prone to do the latter.
I know which AJ would choose. She would insist that I go out on my own and be vibrant knowing that when I come home, I would be in a wellness state. The problem is one of aloneness and loneliness and feelings of guilt and shame. So these are the feelings that I need to let go, just get them over with. They will come but they don’t need to disrupt my life.
In addition to the many blessings and positives which I already mentioned, I am eating well and am on track to meet my weekly swimming goal. Another slightly discouraging piece is being up 0.2 pounds despite eating what I needed to yesterday. My protein consumption has been high so perhaps I’m building quite a bit more muscle than I have in the past at this stage. I’m going to slightly lower my daily calorie intake in hopes that will result in more weight loss. I am ahead of the game still down 1.6 pounds already to meet my 10 pound weight-loss goal for January. One day at a time!
I want to race Ironman pain free and I will train my body and mind to become stronger in all ways. This means a gradual build of volume, avoiding running, increasing hiking and showshoeing, getting my bike tires switched over to be able to ride in the winter. I want to be doing 7-9 hours of weekly activity right now with the idea of moving that to 10+ hours/week in January.
I can’t wait to go snowshoeing again, to go skating with Bob later today and do yoga with Emily as well.
In the meantime, I will do some good work and earn that which I desire.
PS One other thing I forgot to mention is AJ’s idea of renewing our vows next year and inviting people who weren’t able to make it the first time, like my family and friends. I really like that idea. ❤
feelingironmanfit 